Sunday, November 24, 2013

Early Morning Thoughts

I mentioned briefly in a previous post about how I was happy with my body before I started working out and paying attention to where every calorie came from.  It is so rare for a female to feel good about her body, but I did. I didn't think I was perfect, but I didn't wish to change anything.  I ate freely, too. I ate what I liked and as much as I wanted. I am glad I don't eat the things I use to, but I wish I could be free again.  Not long after I started working out, things shifted.  As I said before, my mind started changing, too.  From that point on, I would never feel good enough.  There would always be too much fat here or there and not enough another place.  I would want more definition one day, and be bummed that a particular muscle wasn't bigger the next day.  Stress began to accompany eating.  For a long time, I was scared to death of eating fat.  I avoided it.  It wasn't until after college that I started eating fats.  Funny thing is, when I did, I lost more weight...and quickly at that.  Then I went into a stage where I would not eat ANYTHING that had not been prepared by me.  I would not eat it if it was not a "whole" food.  I made my own everything...and it was exhausting.  I worked out everyday, had to make every food and snack I ate, and still had to find time to do well at my full time job and being a wife.  I feel like I am in such a better place with food now.  Yes, it is very important to me to prepare as much of our snacks as possible and to prepare real, whole foods.  I will not ever change that.  I want to be healthy and more importantly, I want my family to be healthy.  The difference is that now, if I eat an m&m, a wheat thin or get a latte with skim milk, I won't feel like I am about to die from the artificial stuff.  I will not question how every food is prepared when I go to a get-together. I will go out to eat with a friend or my husband and I will enjoy it!!  I believe that the 80/20 rule has merit.  I probably live more 90/10 a lot of the time, but 80/20 would not cause me any shame.

I got off track with where I was going.  I find it strange that being obsessively dedicated to working out and eating a spic and span diet has made me less happy....less happy with myself, my appearance, and really just in general.  I was satisfied with what I saw in the mirror before the hard work started changing the reflection and I started spending so much of my time trying to perfect it.  Perfection is not attainable. Why does anyone spend so much time and happiness trying?


  1. Your ending statement reminds me of a Salvador Dali quote:

    "Have no fear of perfection. You'll never reach it."

    Tying your happiness to the impossible leads to unhappiness.

    1. That is very true. The quote and you have said it way better than I did. I have definitely tied happiness to something impossible for far too long and it has stolen so much joy!

      Thanks for sharing:)