Friday, November 22, 2013

HA Prescription

No matter what I read, the prescription for recovery is the same: eat more and exercise less.  Apparently, in order for your body to heal, you have to provide it with an over abundance of calories and a lot of rest.  Here are some fears I have...I fear gaining weight.  I think it would be a lot easier if I could wear a sign that says "I have to gain weight so I can have babies."  Then I think people would look on that and encourage me.  I fear that since people don't know, then they will think I have let myself go.  I fear cutting back on exercise because it is such a part of who I am.  Just walking or doing light workouts are not me...never have been.  Who will I be? Once again, I don't want people to think I have become less dedicated.  I know that these fears are probably silly and really no one cares if I gain weight or skip a workout.  I told my mom these fears and she said that people talk about me now and say that I look sick.  In actuality, people probably don't think I work out anymore anyways because I look so frail.

So let's talk food...


Am I Restricting?

No. I am not and have not been. Granted, it took a little while to realize how much food I actually needed to nurse and exercise and just live, but I eat plenty now.  Months ago I started striving for 2,500 + calories and finally quit losing weight.  If you looked in my pantry and fridge, you would not see skim or low fat things.  Instead, you would see that I buy coconut oil by the gallon, the two pounds of grass-fed and raw butter in my fridge, gallons of raw milk, 40 lbs of peanuts, almonds, walnuts and seeds, homemade peanut butter and almond butter, sunbutter, eggs galore, home-milled grains, sprouted bread, lots of vegetables and fruit, etc.  You get the picture.  I eat a traditional, whole foods diet not skimping on any food group.  I roll my eyes at the low fat or low carb diets.  Saying all of that, I eat a good diet and since increasing my calories, I eat enough to maintain.  I guess gaining is now the goal though so good and enough is not good enough.  One thing I read said that I need 2,500 + calories with absolutely zero exercise. Yikes.  According to it, the body needs the extra calories to repair damage done that is unbeknownst to me...things on the inside that I don't even know are going on.  I see that 13 years of depriving my body and overworking it could do damage and maybe I really don't even want to know the specifics.  For now, I am carrying on with my intense workouts and schedule until I can get a game plan.  As far as food goes, I have taken the good step...

Over three weeks ago, I spoke with a woman who deals with holistic nutrition and medication.  She is pretty awesome as she is also a midwife.  She believes that if I can get up to 110 pounds (I am 5'6") and am eating PLENTY of healthy fats, then I can probably regain fertility.  Since then, I have been intentional on increasing my fats.  I also started drinking a minimum of 1 cup of raw milk daily.  It is delicious so it is not that hard.  Beforehand, I drank only almond milk which I still drink it as well as the raw milk.  I don't do store bought milk because I just do not like the taste of pasteurized and homogenized whole milk.  This all has been a good step though.  Although I think I see the pounds packing on at an unreal rate, the scale says differently.  I have to try to block out these thoughts.  Plus, my mom told me that just since I have been drinking raw milk regularly, I look better...I believe her description was "less hollow and dead."  Mom's compliments are the best, aren't they?  One thing I can count on is her to be real with me, and I appreciate that so much.  So progress?? I think I can call it that.

Oh and the scale thing...I am committing to not weigh more often than once a month and will maybe get the courage to not weigh at all one day.  I weigh at the gym since my husband won't allow me to own a man...

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