Friday, November 22, 2013

So What is This All About??

I have never written a blog before.  I do not like the whole world to know everything about me.  However, I have decided it might be therapeutic to start blogging.  I don't know if anyone will even read this, and frankly, that is fine by me at this point...I think. Why am I all of the sudden blogging?  Let me tell you...

I have struggled with fertility issues all of my life.  I was always suspect that it had to do with the very low body fat that I have always been adamant about maintaining, or the heart pumping workouts that I have done consistently over the past 13 years, or the restrictive eating habits that I perpetrated for a lot of that time.  Without going into a forever long history (which I might do one day if I get a single reader who is interested in knowing), I will sum up the past briefly.  At 15 years of age, I was incredibly happy with my body...a little too pleased some might argue.  I decided to start working out just for fun.  It wasn't long that not only my body was changing, but my mind was changing as well.  I never needed to lose weight, but as I started getting compliments on muscle tone and such, I became addicted.  I am very type A personality.  Less than two years later, my cycle began acting up and eventually disappeared.  This was fine by me. Who enjoys that monthly visit anyways?? I am running the risk of going into too much detail so I will try to get back into synopsis mode.  Most of the past 13 years I have had a healthy BMI and looked healthy because of the amount of muscle I carried.  The lack of adequate fat and my workout routines and poor diet were hard on my body, though.  When I got married and started work, I began restrictive eating because I could no longer workout 2-3 hours a day like I could in college.  I added a little running to my workouts and without enough nourishment, even my muscles started breaking down.  I started seeing a dietician and a therapist.  After gaining a little weight, I got a monthly visit.  That thing which I said good riddance to years before was now a cause for jumping up and down and calling almost everyone I knew.  The progress seemed to be too slow for my desire to be a mommy, so we went for help.  The fertility doctor diagnosed me with Hypothalamic Amenhorrea.  This is where the story starts getting to my point.  HA is basically when there is a disruption in hormone production by the hypothalamus because it deems that your body is unsafe to carry a child.  The doctor prescribed treatment with injectables and after the first try, we were pregnant.  We now have a beautifully perfect child. As the name of the blog implies, I want many more of these beautiful blessings; however, nursing and my intense workouts have made me skinnier than ever.  Once my fat had burned off, my muscles started disappearing next.  So we are getting closer to the point....I want to be fertile.  I want to get pregnant.  I want to do this naturally this time.  I want my body to be healthy.  The how-to's of recovery of this condition/eating disorder/stinking thinking are particularly hard for me, though.  I am going to blog through this.  I am not going to post what I eat every day or every detail of my life, but I am going to blog through strategies, feelings and fears, and progress.

I hope this helps me and maybe even someone else along the way...

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